Magic beer

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the
bar by himself.

She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer," he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after
realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the
man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you."

He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the
building three times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe
it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer,
jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes
back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic
Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm
having."

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window,
plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The
bartender looks at the guy and says,"You know, Superman, you're a real
a**hole when you're drunk."

Wayne

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the
plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed
before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than
let liquor touch my lips.'

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, 'Me,
too, I didn't know we had a choice!'

Wayne

THE LAWS OF LIFE

& Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch
or you'll have to pee.


& Law of the Workshop

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


& Law of Probability

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.


& Law of the Telephone

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


& Law of the Alibi

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


& Variation Law

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to
move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


& Law of the Bath

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


& Law of Close Encounters

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when
you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


& Law of the Result

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


& Law of Biomechanics

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


& Law of the Theater

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive
last.


& Law of Coffee

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to
do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


& Murphy's Law of Lockers

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent
lockers.


& Law of Rugs/Carpets

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet/rug.


& Law of Location

No matter where you go, there you are.


& Law of Logical Argument

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


& Brown's Law

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


& Oliver's Law

A closed mouth gathers no feet.


& Wilson's Law

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making
it. (this one is true every time!)


& Doctors' Law

If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the
time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and
you'll stay sick.

Wayne

[gthill]

Originally Posted by Wayne

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the
plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed
before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than
let liquor touch my lips.'

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, 'Me,
too, I didn't know we had a choice!'

Wayne

I will be doing a lot of flying in the next few months, what airline is this.
Although I really like my whiskey, its good to have choices.

[Dangermouse]

Brilliant made my day, thanks Wayne where do you keep getting these from?.

Originally Posted by Dangermouse

Brilliant made my day, thanks Wayne where do you keep getting these from?.

If I told you, I'd have to put out a bit of cheddar on a mousetrap for you

Actually, I get most from a newsgroup I belong to. Glad you enjoy them as much as I

Wayne